Dear Melynda,
To say I have had memory block would be a big understatement. I have had such a hard time remembering all the things we have done together over the past 27 years. I was supposed to speak at your funeral but I was having such a hard time thinking straight that instead I decided to pass that wonderful honor onto someone else and gave a shorter tribute. I spoke on how service oriented your life has been and how your girls have learned from you. I will have to tell you more about it another time. Today though as I am beginning trying to fill this blog with all of my memories of you my mind has been full and swimming. I have found it hard but also I have felt so much gratitude for all the cherished memories I have with you. Some of them good and some of them bad. Tonight I want to remember one that feels the most special to me and one of the most sacred experiences of my life.
I remember when I was pregnant with Kate I had a conversation with you on how I wanted to have her naturally without an epidural. You told me I was crazy. I remember being so mad at you because you thought I couldn't do it and I remember you being mad at me because I wouldn't listen to you. Needless to say we didn't talk for a couple of weeks. Then a few months later Chris received the call that he got his job that he had been applying for for over a year and that he would leave in two weeks to go into training for three months. I was eight months pregnant. I was devastated. How was I going to give birth for the the first time and raise this daughter alone for two months without him. It was a no brainer. I knew you would help. I immediately asked you, Jayanne, and grandma Smith to be there with me when she was born. I felt safe with you three around me and knew you would make up where I was lacking. I remember the Sunday afternoon, three weeks after Chris had left, you and Jay drove me to the hospital because I was having severe headaches. I remember being super nervous because my blood pressure was going up so high and they weren't sure why. We were sitting in the same room that I visited you in the morning you went in to have Abbi and now I was there and you were holding my hand to be there for the birth of my daughter. You and Jay sat and talked and laughed with me. You held my hand the whole time. I think you were more excited that I was. Then the nurse came in to check me and you and Jay both stayed. I had no dignity left anyway. Then she told us that I was going to be induced that night. I was freaked out. All I can remember is your smile...you were excited. After they got me settled into my room I remember you, grandma, and Jayanne all sitting there looking at me expectantly like something was supposed to happen. Me feeling really confused because I had no idea what was going to happen and then the nurse coming in and reminding you all that this was going to take awhile so you should probably go get some rest. I was so glad when you decided to stay. You sat in that awful chair all night. Once I felt the contraction coming on they came in with the epidural. You were right the contractions were terrible. I didn't last very long. Then I took a nap. I remember around 4:00 am you whipping out your deck of playing cards. You always tried to keep things fun and light. Just as you were handing out the deck the nurse came in again to check me. The two of you kept chatting as she checked just like two old friends. Then after a minute, when she was done checking me, she looked at me and said it is time to push. I started shaking uncontrollably. I just didn't realize it would happen so fast. I thought I had more time to wait it out, but you were there. You held my leg and helped count. Kept telling me I could do it. I only pushed twice and her head was crowning. They were on the phone with doctor and you were on the phone telling everyone to get there fast.
After having experienced a birth with my sisters, my husband, and one unexpectedly alone I have to say there is nothing else like sharing that with you. Someone who knows and who has been down that road already. There was no wise cracks or feelings of being unsure how to help. You and Jay knew exactly what to do and how to reassure me. My best memory is of you and Jay standing around me trying to teach me how to nurse. You both telling me hold it this way and move her head that way. I was really bad but you both stuck with it.
The only hard part in all of that hospital stay was when we were trying to decide who would play "father" and stay at the hospital with me....so you both stayed. I remember the Doctor Lunt walking in and seeing Jayanne in the sleeper chair with Jayci in her arms, me in my bed with Kate's bed rolled up next to me, and you laying on a roll away bed. He said, "Wow! There are way more people in this room than there was intended to be". You gave your famous laugh to tell him how silly he was being and that was that.
I felt so protected and watched over. I can remember that first night when I was surprised how little Kate actually wanted to sleep. You showed me how if I just held her close she would go back to sleep again. You stayed right by me all night and that was a REALLY long night.
I am so grateful that God has given us these experiences to share. I feel blessed that in the absence of my real Mother I knew I could count on you to be there. I always thought of you and Jayanne as each being half of a whole that I need in my life to have a mother. Now that you are gone I am not quit sure what to do about that other half. I guess I will try to remember all you did. Try to emulate you in all the ways that I can. I can't describe what it has meant in my life that each time I have given birth you have rejoiced even as I have. I love you. I miss you.
Love, Laurin
