Day 30

Dear Melynda,

Melynda moments. That is what I have come to call them. They are the moments in my life that are pionent with you. Where your influence is complete and I know that in this moment I will always think of you. These things will always be yours.
Last night I was laying in bed with my Josalyn. She could not sleep but was so tired so she was not very happy about it. I curled up next to her in that tiny toddler bed and we laid there face to face, nose to nose. I would smiled a little she would give a little smile back until we were both in full face grins. Then I laid there and sang to her and absent mindely began to run my fingers over her face. Around and around as soft as I could. In that moment laying there with my baby it took me back to a few months before laying with yours. Cuddling her at night, because those are the hardest times, and talking to her about you. She told me how you would lay in bed and night and tickle her face so as we talked I would do the same. It brought comfort and closeness for her. Somethine she was longing for. Those were sweet times and they are what I remember most about your girls being here with me.

It brought a mixture of sadness and joy to me to realize that even with you gone your influence is strong in my life. Eveytime I do that I know thoughts of you will be there. Thoughts of the mother you were and the mother you are. Thoughts of remembering to slow down and enjoy these moments. I want my children to someday remember me like your do you. They have hundreds of precious little nuggets of golden memories you have given them because you took so much time to just be with them.

Then last night on the phone Jayanne told me our Miller Family get together that was that night. She had her own Melynda moment. Her time-stand-still moment where she could see and almost feel you there. She knew if you were there exactly what you would be doing. You would be in the middle of the room bringing everyone together. Reaching out to those who didn't feel as included and most of all your laugh would be heard from almost any room in the house. She may have been the only one there that could hear that empty sound but it something that won't ever go away.

A month ago Chad posted a video of all the family doing a huge slip n' slid on The Fourth of July. Remember how awesome that was last year....I think we have a tradition in the making. Well nobody else was going so Chad went for it. As I watched him go down the hill and slid off at the bottom I unconiously kept thinking here comes her laugh, here it comes. Then it ended and that was it. It was such a hallow feeling to hear nothing. I will always remember that empty air in those moments where you should be/would be there.

Thank you for being the type of person that has moments that are worth keeping around. There are times that they hurt but there is so much good in remembering you and who you are that it makes it worth it. I miss you. I love you!

Love, Lar