Day 5

Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” (D&C 42:45.)

Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.

Dear Melynda,

Today was a baaaddd day! I woke up angry. I was probably angry in the first place because my three year old spent the entire night in my room sick and his medicine that he takes to help him makes him bounce off the walls. No one should be bouncing off anything in my room at 2 am. I woke up mad at life. Not anything or anyone in particular just mad that things are the way they are and mostly that I can't change a darn thing! Luckily for me Chris has made it a point to keep me stocked up on flowers so they have brought some cheer into this home. I know I have told you this but winter here stinks! It is almost always cloudy. I miss those awesome St. George winters when the sun would shine and we would start swimming in the Thomas' pool in April or May. Or if we were crazy even sooner! The weather isn't helping here. It really came to a head for me, today, when I had to title my photo file as "Mel's Funeral". I know my anger is only because sometimes it is easier to be angry at something (or nothing) than sad about you.

Well I have to be honest beside you, my kids, my hubby your girls are always on my mind. Not to mention your sweet husband. I miss them. I worry for them. The most heartbreaking thing for me is that all I want to do is smother them in motherly love but I can't. I honestly can feel my arms aching to hold them. Partly because I love them dearly because when they were born I was there to help you take care of them and love on them. Now that you are gone I feel an even deeper desire to be there to hold them. I also have this achy feeling because I know if this situation were reversed that that is where you would be. I remember our conversation on this very subject. I remember talking it over with you. It is one of those conversation you have to talk about, but pray that at the same time you are speaking those words they never come to fruition.
Why may you ask do I know this about you. How do I know you would be there to be super mom to my kids well the best example is this summer. You took Kate and Carter for the weekend so Chris and I could go on a little over night trip to Park City. You said everything went great until Kate came into your around 11:00 saying she had a bad dream. You told her to climb on in you bed just like you would with your own kiddos. You soon found out about my Kate. She doesn't just snuggle she SNUGGLES! She can't be next to you she has to be on top of you. You said you spent the remainder of the night with Kate's head bouncing up and down on your chest looking for, as you put it, "a pillow that wasn't there" because you don't have those like I do. I have troubling making it through nights like but you treated her like your own. I know she feels close to you and loved you especially that night because you were a comfort to her like I would have been.
The questions that runs through my mind at least half the day is what do I do for them, what do I do for them....???
I really don't know but someone said something very kind to me the other day. She reminded me that me and Jayanne are probably the closest people that are like you. I thought about that and for some reason it gave me hope. We know you. We really do. Especially when it comes to being a mom. We can't now, and never will, fill your shoes. They are way too big and I don't want to. I do hope that maybe a little of you rubbed off on me so that they can see something good in me that is like you. Then they might feel closer to you. I miss you, I love you!

Love, Laurin

Day 4

Dear Melynda,

Today at the dinner table I asked everyone a memory that they had of you. Chris quick rebuttle was, "Melynda could never do anything easy. She was always fancy." I think he was referring to our food on our family camping trip. Then Kate piped up and said, "that is what I like most about Melynda she was always fancy." She said it with a great amount of pride. I know right now if I was telling you this and Chris was there you would follow up with a big laugh, slap Chris on the should and say, "ahhh Chrissseee". That is what you always called him when you were trying to break through his tough exterior.
You are fancy or maybe another word is classy. I remember one of my friends making such a comment about you when they first met you. I think you learned most of it from Grandma Smith and I fear greatly that this is not something that is going to be past along in our family. We are all simple people.
I remember after you were married and Maya was born you really got into cooking and trying new foods. I have been there for some good and not-so-good first timers. It was so neat to see how you took to cooking. This is were I think your fancy side really took flight. You had many passions but there was nothing that could get you going like cooking. It is not like you planned simple meatloaf meals. Most of the time you made your own recipes. Like when I visiting you a month and a half after your stroke and you started making regular strawberry jam just like Grandma Smith had taught with all of Grandma Rousell's secrets thrown in to make it work just right. I thought you were crazy! Here you are in a wheel car with only one arm working canning. I know it kept you sane. You couldn't stop at jam you then created and mastered your own recipe for peach, mango salsa. It was amazing. When I went to write the recipe for you, though, you couldn't remember measurements because that wasn't how you cooked. You cooked to taste. I can still remember the first time you cooked at my house and I carefully measured out each ingredient. You thought I was the most misguided creature to ever roam the earth. At least that is what the look on your face told me. I still do to this day but I promise someday I will throw all those measuring cups away, or at least bury them in a cupboard somewhere, and give "real" cooking a try...not yet though.
I remember our wonderful family camping trip this year. I was pretty content to eating a can of chili for dinner each night and cold cereal in the morning. S'mores are the only necessity in my camping gear. I can't say that I know what ignites you need for good, fancy food but you wouldn't hear of it. Needless to say those were some good meals.
Probably my most memorable memory of you and food is when you visited me after I had Carter. This is when I realized that good, fancy food was second nature to you. It was like a good friend you always wanted it to be around. I had been going through really difficult postpartum depression and as soon as you heard you were here. At the end of one particularly long day when we had been out site seeing I told you all I wanted to do was lay in bed and go to sleep. You said, "okay I am going to go whip up some biscotti and hot chocolate for you." I felt super sheepish. I didn't even know what that decadent word meant and now you were just going to go and whip it up. I can still see you in my kitchen working in there like it was nothing foreign to you. You were really enjoying yourself. Then you came upstairs with the warm hot chocolate and biscotti for me to give a try. Then you sat next to me and played with my hair until I fell asleep.
I think I realize that many of the things you were so interested you did for other people because became away for you to give something to them just from you. You loved making people happy with what you created. As it was attested to at you funeral you created a lot of things that have now become lasting treasures.
I miss you and your fancy self. They way you cook, dress, decorate, and just how it is in everything you do. I think your girls have a lot of it flowing through them. They don't just settled for the mundane and easy. They like things to be just how they want. As decadent as they desire. You should see what Maya can do with duct tape. She is surely your daughter. I miss you. I love you.

Love, Laurin

Day 3

Dear Melynda,

This weekend I had to prepare my primary lesson for my little Valiant four and five year old. I love teaching them. Before you were gone when talk to my children patiently or make a deal with them like you would always do I would think about how well you taught me to talk and reason with my children. How lucky I was to live with you and be able to learn from your example on a daily basis. Now though while the feelings of you are so fresh and raw thoughts of you transcend everything I do. Even my dreams. I pray each night for a peaceful rest but if any slight moment of consciousness seeps in it is like a movie is flipped on in my head and you are star each night and that sick stabbing feelings always accompanies it. I am not complaining though. I know this is a short moment in time for me. I always try to think about Elder Packer's talk about loosing loved ones and that basically we will grieve for that person as deeply as we loved them, so I consider grieving for you a blessing because I know I loved you. After your funeral our cousin, Alex, who has been mourning Garrett's loss for almost a year...time flies...said it was a "beautiful experience". I have clung to that and have really sought out the beauty in all of this. I guess, as of right now, the beauty has come from my dependence on Heavenly Father and my new found prayers. I don't just thank and ask anymore. I talk, listen, plead...I really pray. I find beauty in my new love for life. Not the great exciting things but the small insignificant things. Just getting up each day. That whole mumbled "Lord I thank you for a new day" has brought new meaning and understanding. I don't fear death but I appreciate being given a new day to grow and learn more. To spend time with my children and become more prepared to return to Him. I have become more aware that life does end, but this really isn't the "main attraction" this is just the "side act" to get us to where we really want to be. I am sure as I continue down this road I will find more beauty among this tragedy. I know I have told you this before but thank you for being the one to teach our family. Time and time again I have felt like when we were in line in Heaven and Heavenly Father was handing out every raw deal he could you said "well what good will come from it?". He said, "Well it will help your family for such and such reasons". Your reply, "Okay I'll do it!" I know tough things bring blessing and I know you have expressed your gratitude before that life hasn't been easy. None of us would be who we are without it. I have never been more proud of our misconstrued-siblling-lead family than at your funeral. It is phenomenal what the Lord does with us. It is not us, it is just us allowing him to take part in our life.
So as I was preparing to teach my kiddos in Primary thoughts of you were there, as always and it reminded me of when you were a teacher in Young Women. I was visit on a Sunday you had to teach. You told me the lesson was on choosing good media to watch and listen to. I told you this gross story I had heard. It was about how during a movie someone had taken the reels of a pig being butchered and added it into every other frame of the movie. The people in the theater didn't even know what they were watching but some of them started getting sick to their stomach, vomiting and leaving. (I think at the time I believed it was true but now I have my doubts.) To my surprise on Sunday you shared this story with all of your YW. You gave it your all when explaining, as you always do. You totally grossed them out! And scared them straight I am sure. I always think back to how funny it was because you were so into it and they were staring at you like "I can't believe she is saying this". You were such a good teacher (and story teller). You loved those girls and just like any one you love you gave them your all. I love you, I miss you.

Love, Laurin

Day 2

Dear Melynda,
To say I have had memory block would be a big understatement. I have had such a hard time remembering all the things we have done together over the past 27 years. I was supposed to speak at your funeral but I was having such a hard time thinking straight that instead I decided to pass that wonderful honor onto someone else and gave a shorter tribute. I spoke on how service oriented your life has been and how your girls have learned from you. I will have to tell you more about it another time. Today though as I am beginning trying to fill this blog with all of my memories of you my mind has been full and swimming. I have found it hard but also I have felt so much gratitude for all the cherished memories I have with you. Some of them good and some of them bad. Tonight I want to remember one that feels the most special to me and one of the most sacred experiences of my life.
I remember when I was pregnant with Kate I had a conversation with you on how I wanted to have her naturally without an epidural. You told me I was crazy. I remember being so mad at you because you thought I couldn't do it and I remember you being mad at me because I wouldn't listen to you. Needless to say we didn't talk for a couple of weeks. Then a few months later Chris received the call that he got his job that he had been applying for for over a year and that he would leave in two weeks to go into training for three months. I was eight months pregnant. I was devastated. How was I going to give birth for the the first time and raise this daughter alone for two months without him. It was a no brainer. I knew you would help. I immediately asked you, Jayanne, and grandma Smith to be there with me when she was born. I felt safe with you three around me and knew you would make up where I was lacking. I remember the Sunday afternoon, three weeks after Chris had left, you and Jay drove me to the hospital because I was having severe headaches. I remember being super nervous because my blood pressure was going up so high and they weren't sure why. We were sitting in the same room that I visited you in the morning you went in to have Abbi and now I was there and you were holding my hand to be there for the birth of my daughter. You and Jay sat and talked and laughed with me. You held my hand the whole time. I think you were more excited that I was. Then the nurse came in to check me and you and Jay both stayed. I had no dignity left anyway. Then she told us that I was going to be induced that night. I was freaked out. All I can remember is your smile...you were excited. After they got me settled into my room I remember you, grandma, and Jayanne all sitting there looking at me expectantly like something was supposed to happen. Me feeling really confused because I had no idea what was going to happen and then the nurse coming in and reminding you all that this was going to take awhile so you should probably go get some rest. I was so glad when you decided to stay. You sat in that awful chair all night. Once I felt the contraction coming on they came in with the epidural. You were right the contractions were terrible. I didn't last very long. Then I took a nap. I remember around 4:00 am you whipping out your deck of playing cards. You always tried to keep things fun and light. Just as you were handing out the deck the nurse came in again to check me. The two of you kept chatting as she checked just like two old friends. Then after a minute, when she was done checking me, she looked at me and said it is time to push. I started shaking uncontrollably. I just didn't realize it would happen so fast. I thought I had more time to wait it out, but you were there. You held my leg and helped count. Kept telling me I could do it. I only pushed twice and her head was crowning. They were on the phone with doctor and you were on the phone telling everyone to get there fast.
After having experienced a birth with my sisters, my husband, and one unexpectedly alone I have to say there is nothing else like sharing that with you. Someone who knows and who has been down that road already. There was no wise cracks or feelings of being unsure how to help. You and Jay knew exactly what to do and how to reassure me. My best memory is of you and Jay standing around me trying to teach me how to nurse. You both telling me hold it this way and move her head that way. I was really bad but you both stuck with it.
The only hard part in all of that hospital stay was when we were trying to decide who would play "father" and stay at the hospital with me....so you both stayed. I remember the Doctor Lunt walking in and seeing Jayanne in the sleeper chair with Jayci in her arms, me in my bed with Kate's bed rolled up next to me, and you laying on a roll away bed. He said, "Wow! There are way more people in this room than there was intended to be". You gave your famous laugh to tell him how silly he was being and that was that.
I felt so protected and watched over. I can remember that first night when I was surprised how little Kate actually wanted to sleep. You showed me how if I just held her close she would go back to sleep again. You stayed right by me all night and that was a REALLY long night.
I am so grateful that God has given us these experiences to share. I feel blessed that in the absence of my real Mother I knew I could count on you to be there. I always thought of you and Jayanne as each being half of a whole that I need in my life to have a mother. Now that you are gone I am not quit sure what to do about that other half. I guess I will try to remember all you did. Try to emulate you in all the ways that I can. I can't describe what it has meant in my life that each time I have given birth you have rejoiced even as I have. I love you. I miss you.

Love, Laurin

Here I Go...Day 1

A hole. Today I decided that is what it is. That is what I feel. When I started to realize that feeling today I felt a tug in my stomach that made me wrap my arms around it and I forced myself to not think about that hole. I have this huge void right in the middle of me and there is nothing to fill it. It contains all that my sister meant to me. All the roles she filled in my life that she no longer can be apart. I am still trying to figure out where to go from here now. You see she wasn't just a sister. She was my mother, my best friend, my mentor. The one I could turn to if I didn't understand life.
She taught me to brave and to do things you don't want to.
She taught me that smiling your way through life is much better than crying...plus you make more friends that way...which she did.
She taught me that you can over come any circumstance life brings you. You decide what you life will become and that you should never let your life decide for you.
She taught me to always be kind. To never look down on those you don't understand. You never know what someone has to offer.
I learned that forgiveness is not something that has to be asked for but something we can give any time we choose. It is not about them it is about you.
She taught me that fun is FUN and you should have as much of it as you possibly can.
I learned through her friends, about her, what a good friend really is. How loyal and good she was and how life changing that kind of a friendship can be.
I learned service can pick you up out of the worst of circumstances and help you rise again.
The lessons I will treasure most from her is how she taught me to be a wife and a mother. I learned from her that my husband is the most important thing in my life and not only should I know that but that I should make a point to make sure that he knows that, too.
I not only learned how to nurture the body of an infant but also how to care for their soul. How to love them and be patient with them...always.

If all of these lessons seem familiar to you that is because they are. She taught me by living the gospel. By striving to do the right thing and be like the Savior. She didn't do it because she knew I was watching she did it because that is who she was.

I remember a very significant crossroads in my life. I realized I would either be one person or the other. I clearly remember seeing her with her husband and little girl. I saw their happiness and joy that they found in living the way they lived. I decided then and there that that is exactly what I wanted. I wanted a family. I wanted a husband just like she had. And I wanted them forever.

I feel very blessed to be called her sister, but I feel so much more blessed to call her so much more. I remember years ago when I was still in High School she gave me a plaque that read, "Sisters by chance, Friends by choice". I don't think it was chance that we ended up in the same family. Heavenly Father knew that we needed each other to get through it all. I feel blessed to know her enough to know the good and bad..flaws and all.

I want you all to know that I know first that Melynda still lives. I know that as easy as I breath. I have never felt this close to the other side of the veil as I do now. It has never been so easy for me understand what is going on there and to imagine how wonderful it must be there. I have never looked forward to that day but now I do. I know there is purpose in all of life. I know she is needed there and I am needed here. My hope is that we can both fulfill our purposes although at times I feel less than capable of doing mine.
I also know that while I feel this great void where she used to be I have much I can still learn from her. Now all that she has ever done has more meaning to me than before and there is so much to learn.

I have decided to do 31 Days of Memories for Melynda. I wanted to do it privately but then I decided I wanted to share what an awesome person she was because she was AWESOME. Some will be happy or sad but all significant to me. If any of you have any to share please do. I love all of you and am grateful for all the love, prayers, faith and support. Life is unbearable without those four things.

Thanks if you made it throught the whole thing...in the words of Macie "...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."

Melynda's Funeral

Here is the final information for Melynda's services:

Monday Viewing from 6:00-8:00 pm
North Hamptom House
198 West 300 North
American Fork, Utah 84003

Tuesday Viewing from 10:00-11:30 followed by
Funeral Services at 12:00
Stake Center
828 South Center Street
Lehi, Utah 84043

Wednesday Graveside Service 12:00 pm
Ivins Cemetery
200 West 400 North
Ivins, Utah

Please send flowers to Sereni Care Funeral Home
12278 Lonepeake Parkway
Draper, Utah 84020

Please join us in celebrating Melynda life. We are grateful for the continual support and love you have offered to us during these past few weeks. We can never thank you enough.

Melynda Anne Thomas

I wanted to let those of you who don't know already but knew my sister Melynda Thomas passed away Wednesday night. We love her and we will miss her so much. Those who knew her knew of her courage and strength. We have all learned so much from her and treasure and look forward, with hope, to the day we can be with her again. I love you Melynda!

Thanks you for all the love and support. I know prayer works because I honestly testify that our family has literally been carried through this experience. Please continue to pray we still need them very much. We love you all!

For more information please visit melyndasstatus.blogspot.com