When a Baby Is Born

I'd rather be mother than anyone on earth
Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth...
I'd rather tuck a little child all safe and sound in bed
Than twine a chain of diamonds about my [carefree] head.
I'd rather wash a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes
Than paint a pageantry of fame or walk among the wise.
-Meredith Gray, from The Beauty of Motherhood

Two ladies in my life have just had or are having babies right now as I write this. The night before one of my best friends went in to have her baby I called to wish her good luck and hoped that everything would go well. As I said goodbye I felt this overwhelming surge of emotion for the experience she was going through and what was to come. Kate asked me why I was crying and couldn't really answer her. I felt so happy that she was going to meet her sweet baby boy in only a few hours and hold him in her arms. I felt awe at the fact that he had been waiting countless years to get to this point in his journey and that this life is something that we all wanted so badly that we cheered when we found out we would get to come to earth and obtain a body. It is such a sacred thing to have life, give life, and help life along in our own journey of life. And I was happy because she is like my sister and her joy was mine that night. Right now my other sister Jayanne is in the hospital having her baby boy-his name is Calvin...probably. I talked to her this morning as she was waiting to get into her room and we were talking about what a big day this is for him and how exciting it was. Chris would always remind when I was pregnant, and feeling overwhelmed and wondering why being pregnant had to be so hard, that you only have a baby a few times in your life. Being a mom is the hardest job you will ever have but will also bring the greatest blessings we can ever obtain in this life. I am grateful to be a mother here on earth and in the life to come.

Our Stake Relief Society President shared a thought with us at a meeting before the RS broadcast. She said that when Adam named Eve he called her that because he said, "she was the mother of all living". This was before Eve had ever bore a child or cared for one on earth, so whether you have given birth or not we are all mothers in different stages of our journey. I try to remember that this isn't just a job I have right now but an eternal part of my identity.

What, might you ask, happens when mom falls asleep on the couch and Dad is in charge?......

This! Same corner on the ottoman....twice.

And to end...

"She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserve the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come,... long after paintings shall have faded, books and statues shall have decayed or shall have been destroyed, deserves the highest honor than man can give, and the choicest blessings of God. In her high duty and service to humanity..., she is co-partner with the Creator himself."
-President David O. McKay

Independence Is A Good Thing....Right?

She just walked away and never looked back. Sometimes now she even forgets to tell me bye. The first day we walk into school and I'm the one who starts crying....just a little. I was not prepared for this. I thought the day Kate went to school I would feel some relief at having the opportunity to get more things that are "necessary" done. Not so. I miss her so much. I feel like those four hours a day she disappears into some black hole and I have no idea what she is doing. She comes home and I try to give her the old Q & A but lets face it four-year-olds have way too much imagination to give you a simple, straight answer at what they did at school today. Now I have taken to pulling every paper out of her back pack and having her tell me one-by-one what they are and what she was doing when she made them. Am I OCD? DO I have a problem letting go or is this normal mom craziness? My friend tried to warn me about this but I didn't understand....until now. On the up side though...

She is happy! I can tell because she comes home super wired and excited about everything and then crashes-tears and all-around 4:00. I know she likes it and so I have to remind myself when I daydream about taking her out of school and selfishly making her stay home with me that this is good for her. She is growing and learning and doing all the wonderful things that she really needs to be doing right now. Then she comes home and her and I usually hatch up some sort of project to do together. This week we baked cake bites. Cooking is her favorite thing to do only third to looking through cookbooks for things to make (which completely reminds me of my sister Melynda) and, of course, watching Dora the Explorer.

(I have yet to get a picture of them both looking at me)

I might add that I am not the only one struggling with this possessiveness over Kate. Every time we take Kate into school Carter stands by the door that she walks into...and never looks back might I add...and sticks out his bottom lip and whispers "Kate" as he reaches out to her. Sometimes I am tempted to use this excuse to make her come and get back in the car with me but I remind myself and Carter that we will be coming to pick her up in four short...long...hours.

(Yup! I really do drop her off looking like this. This is Carter's handy work by-the-way he was pretty proud.)

The only upside to all of this school business is I get a lot more face time and play time with this>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So at least there is a positive side to all this. Especially considering that this boy is in need of some boy play time. Chris and I realized this when the other day he came in wanting to play dress ups and brought us Kate's Cinderella dress which we kindly put on him because we don't care but we thought maybe it is time to invest in some different dress-ups for his sake. Lets face it someday he is going to care that he dressed up in his big sisters dress-ups and wore her princess high heels around the house.

This sweet thing gets more love and time with me than anyone so she isn't suffering. Lucky me! She is a good sport...usually....when I have to yank her out of bed at 7:30 am especially since she would like to be sleeping till 9:00.

It always heals my heart everyday that after she walks into class without of flinch or a sign of missing me that when I come to pick her up she always runs out the door with a great big smile and gives me a great big hug. In my mind it is her way of telling me that she wishes she could have been with me all along. :)

Bigger Than I'd Like

I don't usually do Birthday post but this one has be a little excited a little dazed and confused. I can't believe by baby girl is turning 4. I feel like she is really crossing over into big girl land she isn't that round little baby girl I've hauled around all these years. All though she still does have those sweet round cheeks I love. I will admit she is much more interesting now than ever before so I will share some of who she is now.

Newborn

One year

Two

Three

Four

Some of our birthday high lights are
1) Last night we went and took her birthday money that she received from her grandmas and let her pick out a toy. She picked out two princess dolls. Then when we got home she proceeded to ask me to wrap her dolls up so she could open them in the morning. I only did it because she asked and then put them on the table with her other present. Best part was in the morning when she opened her dolls up she acted so surprised that she had gotten them at all. There was lots of "oh my gosh" and jumping up and down involved. It was pretty funny.
2) After she opened her presents she was looking at them and playing with them and she stopped and said to me "mom thank you so much for getting me these presents". No prompting or anything. THAT is the best birthday gift I could ever be given.
3)When she told me she would rather have a babysitter tonight than have me stay home and watch a movie with her. Luckily I took her up on that offer and I got to go to the wonderful Relief Society Broadcast! (This was only a high light for me because it made me laugh. She is getting to the age ALREADY where other people are more interesting than MOM! No hard feelings though)
4)She graciously shared her new dollies with Carter
5)She came home with a back pack full of candy from the parade we went to this morning that we are now all stocked up for our soon to be coming trick-or-treaters.
6)She got to get her first happy meal today at McDonald's and I think I was more excited about it than she was. It reminded me of how excited I would get when I was little and they would hand you your very own box with all that sweet goodness inside that I now can't stand. Apparently neither can they because both of them hardly ate any of their food.
7)Tonight before bed I got to watch her snuggle with her baby sister right after she had finished snuggling with me. Then I tucked her in bed for the first time as my new little four-year-old.

Happy Birthday Kate!

It's What I Get

THIS is what I get ...
from snuggling and holding this girl as much as I can.

I now have a sweet little girl who hates to sleep laying down in her crib or going to sleep by herself, but on Sunday she fell asleep all by herself in the rocking chair while I got the kids ready for church. This only made me laugh because I was trying to get her to fall asleep by herself in her crib last week. I then realized that she is laying in the same position she does in my arms.

I am not quite ready to give up my snuggling time so I guess I am stuck until she gets sick of it.
I just reminded myself that in a few months she will be like my 18 month old who doesn't need me much anymore much less lets me hold and snuggle him anymore. So I'm pretty content with holding and snuggling as much as I can. We'll work on the crib thing later.

My super creative, talented, and amazing friend took pictures of my adorable little girl. She is so wonderful and I love how they turned out.

Thanks Di! I will treasure these forever!

The best moments so far...

I was getting everyone ready for church and Kate asked if she could hold the baby. We sat her down and then got Josalyn all propped up then Kate asked for a book so she could "read" to Josalyn. She then read her three books. It was so sweet.
Carter came along and listened Kate and and hung out with Josalyn too.
My other favorite thing that has happened since we have been home is one night we were getting the kids ready for bed. All of the sudden Carter started crying, Josalyn began to scream and then Kate took off out of the room bawling. It all happened in perfect symphony. Chris and I both looked at each and started laugh like "look what we've done". It was memorable.
Finally I have to show off my new nursery going boy. Not a week too soon either. His first week was the week Josalyn was born. Perfect timing for us. Isn't he cute. He has done great so far and hopefully it will last. Sorry for the blank stare he was a tired boy.

When I took the picture of Carter for his "first week of nursery" picture Kate asked me if I would take a picture of her for her "week of primary again" picture. I couldn't say no to this little sunbeam it was so cute.

Josalyn Holly West

June 30, 2010
About 2:40 am
6 lbs 13 oz & 19 3/4 inches

Thanks for all the love concern and support that we have had over the past week it has been a pretty exciting time for us. We were obviously a little unprepared for all that this past week had to hold for us but all the helping hands and even just the comments, support, prayers and love have gotten us through. Here's the story:

I woke up about 12:30 am because like most pregnant women I couldn't sleep plus my little blond haired beauty of a 3 year old and I were having a slumber party in my bed and her feet kept finding their way into my back. Sometime after 1:00 am I felt a contraction or what I though was a braxton hick. With Carter I went to the hospital 3 times with false labor that in all aspects of what they tell you to look for looked like real labor but I just wasn't dilating. I had sworn off repeating the same path again, so I didn't think much of it since it usually happened every night anyway. I laid there and was hurting a little and I was annoyed because I just wanted to sleep. So I got in the shower because as I have been told that is supposed to stop false labor. Well while in there and hurting a little I noticed my "contractions" were about 4 minutes apart. Right well real contractions don't start out at 4 minutes apart so I for sure thought they weren't real. Realizing sleep wasn't coming I went downstairs to do something. I honestly can't remember what I did during this time I think I just walked around a little concerned but kept thinking something else would happen (like seeing blood or my water breaking) so I would know if this was real or not. Besides it had all just started so I was confident I had time on my side. All I can remember is getting to a point were I knew I needed to make a decision about what to do I said a prayer asking for a little inspiration and felt that I needed to call Chris. This was at 2:20 am. It had only been an hour! I called him and told him to come home "please!". He said "Are you in labor?" I said "I don't know I just know I'm in a lot of pain and I need you here." I had an hour to wait for him to get home so I tried to get something done. I got about three dishes unloaded from the dishwasher and I could tell something wasn't right. All the sudden everything went from zero to sixty in about a five minute period. I called my neighbor and couldn't get her so I went over and knocked on their door while I called my doctor. They told me I should probably get ready and come over and then I got a hold of my neighbor and she came over. My wonderful neighbor Jade came over and went upstairs to get our baby monitor and while she was up there I had this urge to push. Now mind you at this point I was beyond any ability to make decisions or think very clearly. All there was is what was happening in my body. I was shaking and sweating like crazy. At this time I was in unbearable pain and all I was thinking about was how it was going to take forever to get to the hospital and how I still had a long way to go before this would be all over. I didn't feel like I was capable of moving one inch. Jade came back down and I said "Jade I feel like I gotta push" and so she went to get her hubby out of bed to help me get to the car. Well she walked out the door and that was when I knew it was coming. I could feel her coming out so I sat down and ripped off the necessary clothing and I could see her head coming out slowly. As she was coming I could see that her cord was wrapped around the back of her neck and around her body so I had to hurry and unwrap it and then she pretty much just slid out and I caught her. I held her close to me and felt a huge feeling of relief when she started to cry. I didn't know what I should do but I knew if she was crying then at least she was alive. Kate and Carter slept through the whole thing which surprised me because there was a bit of scream on my part during this last act. So I was sitting there in my living room by the front door when my neighbor and her hubby walked in. They said "oh my gosh, the baby is here". I said "I think we need to call 911, don't we?" Jade took over the phone call while Mark, her husband, got towels for the baby and I. Jade got a shoe lace and Mark tied off the cord. They were amazing. My only job was to hold that sweet little girl in my arms and keep trying to tell myself that this is not a dream. I asked them to call Chris and Mark called and held the phone up to Josalyn who was screaming away. Chris thought it was a joke but too bad for him it wasn't. The paramedics showed up and they were wonderful too. The paramedic came in, came right up to Josalyn and said sweetly "Well Hello!" It took a lot of stress out of the air. We were there for a while and then they loaded us up. Right as we were getting ready to leave Chris pulled up. It was pretty surreal watching him walk up and wave from the outside of the ambulance while I was sitting inside with our new daughter in my arms.

The ironic part was the doctor on call for the night at the hospital was the doctor I had seen that day at my doctor appointment. When they checked me I wasn't dilated at all. She was pretty surprised to see me rolling up on a gurney with my baby in wrapped in my arms.

I was in shock as I was being wheeled from the ambulance to the ER and then down to labor and delivery. There were a bunch of people asking me questions about what happened and telling me congratulations. I was sitting there thinking this is crazy I shouldn't be here my kids don't even know I'm gone and my husband isn't here and she isn't supposed to be here for another 10 days. Then I had a moments pause were I thought this isn't what we planned but this is Josalyn's story of how she was born and I'm going to enjoy it....and I did.

The nurses told us for a home delivery that Josalyn looked really good. She wasn't too cold and she was pink. I felt so blessed.

From the first contraction to delivery I was in labor 90 minutes. We figured the birth time by the 911 phone calls and the calls I made to my neighbor. Between the time I called Chris and she was born it was only 20 minutes. Between the time I called my neighbor and then they called 911 it was 7 minutes. She was fast. Luckily my doctor told me next time they will induce me....I would really like Chris to be there next time.

This was an amazing experience. The one thing I treasure and memory I am trying to keep clear in my mind is of her coming out and how I was the very first person who got to touch and hold that little girl. If someone had told me this was going to happen before hand I think I would have cried. I would consider myself completely unable to endure something like this, however, now I really think most woman could. That is why we are the ones who are given the opportunity to do it. Think about it....that is how mom's are. When their child is in urgent need they don't stand back and say "nah! I'll just sit here and let someone else catch you." They get in there and get it done no matter the obstacles or how inadequate they feel to the challenge. I also learned that giving birth isn't as technical as it can seem. Your body pretty much knows what to do if you just trust it. Don't worry though if all goes as planned next time our baby will still be born in a hospital with all their trusty medical equipment. It is just nice to know that I can.