I usually don't post like this but I have to share with all of you, my fellow blogging family, my recent heart ache. I can't explain to you how difficult these last few days have been. Maybe a few of you have faced something similar to my experience. I have recently been alerted to the all too near future of girlhood facing my daughter. Lately I have been receiving several comments (don't worry no one on this blog) from those whom I love the most and are the closest to about my sweet little girl. The troubling part for me isn't that people are making these comments it is more that fact that I am realizing at the tender age of 2 my baby girl is already having to start thinking about how big her little round thighs are and if she really should eat that cookie. My baby of 2 years still looks like a baby. I don't know how else to put it. And those of you who know my family know that is how we are. She is actually perfect weight and height for her age (as she always has been) but she still has her little roundness of an infant. I think one lady referred to her as looking like an "over-developed one year old".
After a culmination of all this I have started imagining the road laid out before her. It truly breaks my heart. I remember as a 4 year old feeling like my thighs were too big and being self conscious. I remember in high school my friends and I always talking about our weight or at least talking about how skinny the other was. For me it was always really a reflection of how I felt about myself. Which was because I was unsure of myself at the time. I felt like I had been taught to fit into a certain category, but of course I never felt like I did. The point of my biggest hang up was when after realizing with both her father and my genes she is bound to be babyish for a few years. I didn't lose all my baby stuff until I was a junior in high school. I had a boy, Ben Read, so kindly remind me of that in 9Th grade. Chris hung onto his up until he was 11. As a parent I think ourvery wish is to save our children from any pain we have experienced as children. Since these memories are so vivid in my mind it broke my heart to think that someday she may feel the exact same way I did and with so many outside influences how could I help it. My struggle became how can I raise a daughter who learns that it isn't how we look but how we feel and what we do that matters most.
I decided I didn't want Kate to have to face that. I never want her think she has to look a certain way to be accepted. It is an ideal that no one can live up to. There isn't a women I have meet to this day that hasn't thought something was wrong with her. I realized there is something wrong here that needs to change and then I realize I, as a mother, can change it. I can't change everyone around me, but I sure can teach Kate different things than what I was taught. I can teach her what matters most about individuals. And that every body is good, special and a gift from God no matter the size.
I really have taken inventory on myself. How I view myself and even talk to myself. Which in all honesty isn't always they best. Everyone has there days. As my sister Melynda put it, "Even if you don't say it they can tell how you feel about yourself." Kate mimics everything I do and I realized she would someday mimic this too.
After much thought and prayer I know now I that I have more effect on how she feels about herself than anyone. Now we have started to talk about having healthy bodies and being strong and exercising and she gets it even at 2 years old. My goal is to never let her hear fat, diet or any other nasty word from my mouth, because I realized if not someday she will say it to herself. My other goal is to instill in her the feeling that comes from being healthy, exercising and eating good foods. Trying to focus on the positive and the possible.
I just wanted to share my experience. I can't quite put into words all my feelings but as hard as this experience was I feel very blessed to have had it. I hope we can all teach our children the true meaning of an individual and how important it is.
7 comments:
Laurin, you are a wonderful mom! And Kate is so beautiful so don't let the comments get to you. But you are right. It is up to us as mothers to teach our daughters what a good self-image is. I know that I want to teach Abby to be opinionated and speak her mind and to not let the world abuse her just because she is a woman. But that is a hard thing cuz the best way to teach is by example! I admire you for taking on this task and I wish you the best of luck!
What is your address, phone number and email address? You can email it to me at corinnehoyt@yahoo.com.
It is all so true. I remember people making fun of me all the time. Weight for girls can be such a scary thing and there has been many a problems and tears shed in my fam regarding the issue (with 3 girls, as you know, it's inevitable).
When Ross and I got married, before we even started having kids we made goals for us as spouses and future parents. So many of my goals were about never mentioning weight, skinny or fat, in our house. It's so much easier said than done to never say 'Oh you are skinny so you can eat that' or 'I feel fat.' Ross is constantly reminding me I can't look disgusted when I look in the mirror or point out my flaws, no matter how small because it makes a BIG influnence on our kids. And making sure Anna knows that I exercise, that it's fun, and I do it to be healthy not because I am trying to lose weight.
So to you I say good luck! Kate is super adorable and that is all that matters. I hope you find success and you should let me know what does and does not work for you because I am really hoping to do the same for Anna.
Sorry for the super long comment!
I love you so much. I already know what an amazing friend and mom you are. You know that since we've become friends I have felt better about myself than ever before. My friends out here just make me feel like it's okay to be the way I am. You know all about our struggles, and I have really tried to be careful about they way I view my body and the way we view eachother's body's. My biggest concern is how much the word "fat" is used by my MIL she uses it a lot because it is a constant worry for her. I wish she too could see all of her good qualities and realize that to her family and grandchildren who love her that fat just really doesn't matter. Kate is a sweetie and we love her so much. When people say things that hurt your feelings I think you should call them on it. Just tell them that comments like that can be hurtful and it's important to you that your child knows how beautiful she is no matter what. It might catch them off guard, but then maybe they'll think before they speak next time. I love you, I'll call you soon.
Laurin I miss you so much! This post just reminds me of what a sweet and caring person you are. You are gorgeous and I love you. It's so hard being a girl with all the media and stick figures out there. And, like Megan, one of my goals as a parent is to always make my children feel beautiful, or handsome, and love who they are. Since we have been running we have talked a lot about how we want to continue because I think it makes a big difference for our kids to see us exercising to be healthy, not to lose weight. It's so easy to pick at ourselves, but is such a great goal to not just speak it of others, but apply it to ourselves. Love ya dear!
Oh laur..you're such a great mother! What is this world coming to huh! Where a two year old can't even have her baby fat! That is rediculous!! I was a very chubby kid growing up..but like you my mom never said anything negitive about her body or mine. One time my brother Carl called me fat in the car..and I can remember her stopping the car getting out and beating that kid right on the side of the street! I love my mom and am so glad that she tought me that beautiy comes from with in and that is most important. Keep up the good work and I know you know but Kate is just perfect!! I love you and her to death!
Laurin, this makes me so sad. I think Kate is so beautiful and looks just perfect--I can't imagine why anyone would say such things. You are such a great mother with a ton of wisdom. I am so sorry that this happened but grateful that you shared it. You've inspired me to be more vigilant in teaching Savvy about valuing herself and others for who they are, and not for how they look. I'm glad that you pointed out that moms really can make a difference! The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, right? Anyway, I just admire you a ton. And we adore Kate.
By the way, love the sunglasses :)
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