Day 11

Dear Melynda,

Just for your little update. Everyone is doing good. This week has been a very good week. They other day I talked to Jayanne and we always ask the "how are you doing today?" We were using a rating system at first, when you were in the hospital and right after you died, between 1 and 10 because it was the dumbest question to ask. In the beginning there weren't really words. We all new how everyone was doing...terrible, but the question always came up anyway. Now though the emotion vary day to day so it is a justified question. I asked Jay and she said, "I am doing much better than last week. I am in denial." I said, "Well it seems like denial is a pretty good place to be then". She sounded happier than she had in awhile. I think I am there right now too. I know it won't last but I am just enjoying my productivity that is a direct result of my state of denial I am in right now.
On that note I was thinking of you over the past couple of days. Denial has brought me a wonderful sense of humor. I am working on a secret project right for your girls. I will tell you more later..even though you know already what it is. I have had to crack out my sewing machine again I know you are secretly smiling at me up there because of it. You always worked so hard to get me to do sewing projects with you. Remember all that material we bought when Joe was born to make a skirts for Kate. Well lets just say I haven't sown one stitch since you left. Now I feel so guilty about it that I am going to have to finish and pass them along to Josalyn.
Well my super secret project got me thinking of you. At your viewing Dave's sister, Debbie, started talking to me about the summer that Lyla started teaching you how to sew. She bought you a new sewing machine and you learned to make these draw string skirts. She was laughing because once you learned how to make them you made a ton of them. For everyone who was staying at the Thomas' home. Which was a lot because all their family was visiting. What I remember most about you learning how to sew was how angry it made you. I still can remember all the threats you made to throw that sewing machine in the pool. You would come out ranting and raving about something that was all the sudden going wrong with the machine and how you were going to just toss it in the pool. David and I stepped lightly during these moments. Eventually you would figure it out and would go on to design and sew your own clothes...with a much better machine mind you.
It also, shamefully, reminds me of the month after your stroke. As project oriented as you are you needed something to do, I already mentioned all the canning you did about the same time. Somehow you talked Jayanne and I into making Halloween bags with you. Well we set out designing , cutting, and sewing them. You shamed us real good! Jay and I were still cutting ours out and I was just starting to sew my first bag when you finished the last stitch on your third bag. It was ridiculous. And you only sewed with one arm! We all had a good laugh about and did for the last couple of years. Whenever you would mention sewing projects to me I would sheepishly remind you of that story so you would remember what you were getting yourself into. You would push through and insist on doing it anyway.
Melynda Thomas can do hard things! I will always remember that about you. You did hard things over and over again. Just when we all thought God was done teaching you a lesson he would give you one more to learn. I don't begrudge him and I know you didn't either. I know it was hard. Of course it was. Sometimes you figuratively wanted to take all your trials and "throw them in the pool". That is the best part though. It was hard for you but then after you faced the fact that this was hard you made a mental choice to go for it anyway. No matter how hard it was or how many times it took to get it right.
It is easy when someone is gone to take there life and memorialize into a floating life of perfection. But I can't do it! I won't do it. That is what I have come to appreciate the most about your life. You took all that hard and messy stuff and said, "look what I can do with it". This is what I will teach your girls. That their mom did hard things. That they are a Miller/Thomas and they too can do hard things. (The stubbornness is Miller trait but I know you adopted many Thomas traits of perseverance and commitment.) Heaven knows at times life with be hard.
Thank you for watching over us. I really appreciated that special moment the other day. I haven't felt you that close since the last time I saw you. Don't forget about Jay and I. We want to help and do what you would have us do for your sweet little family. Everything we do for them we try to do with you in mind. I miss you. I love you!

Love, Lar