Day 14

Dear Melynda,

Today I been thinking about such a sad story. At least on my part.
At your funeral I told a story about Abbi. You may not remember that when we were in Utah over the summer, and unexpectedly ended up staying for three months, my kids became REALLY homesick to see their dad. We had already been there a month and a half and were staying with you for the month of July. One day you and I were in your room while you were sewing and Kate came running in. She was so excited and she said, "mom! Look what Abbi gave me. I told her I missed my dad so she gave me her kitty to keep forever so I won't miss him." I smiled and was so happy to see you smiling. In my mind, however, all I thought was "she must not want it anymore because it is a very old mangy looking stuffed animal." We then went home. In September Kate was still carrying this cat around everywhere. To the store, around the house, I had to make her to leave it in the car during church. I just didn't understand her attachment to it. She had a billion (at least it feels like it) stuffed animals around the house but this one was special. Then one day I got it. She knew something I didn't. That cat wasn't old and mangy because Abbi didn't love it. It was old and mangy because Abbi did love it. She treasured it and took it everywhere with her, too. Kate understood on some level that Abbi showed a great deal of love for her in sharing and giving something that had meant a lot to her. I had been taught something wonderful by those two girls about love and what it means to really show it.
Fast forward to that same summer. I had just gotten back from Park City. I bought two things there a new shirt and a pair of sun glasses that I had splurged on. I accidently left them at your house for a couple of days and when I came back you were wearing them. I was so happy you had found them because I didn't know where they were and thought they were gone for good. Unfortuantley for me you had fallen in love with them. Silly I know but you do fall in love with clothes, hair bows, shoes, and purses on a weekly basis. You ever so gently implied that you wanted to keep them. I told you very chagrined that Chris would kill me. I remember after our quick exchange you said, "really you are going to take them?" I said, "ya, sorry!" and left.
Now for some reason I can't stop thinking about that. I realize what I should have know all along. I really think that hurt your feelings. Not in a way that you hated me for but more because I wouldn't share with you something that was important to me. It took you passing away and being left behind with all the things you have given me to see how much you loved to share with people. That was one of the greatest ways you loved. I never understood why you would put all the time and effort into creating gifts for everyone but now I realize it was the ultimate way for you to show you cared. I have always been content with what I could find at the store. It was also the greatest way for someone to show you the same. I really am a slow learner.
I remember one time in Hurricane as a newly wed walking into your garage when you had been working on all your wood work decorations and you saying, "pick out whatever you want". I felt like a kid in a candy shop. Looking at all the beautiful things that you had made yourself. I know they took hours to do. Now each piece has taken on new meaning along with all my new understanding.
I wish I had given you those darn glasses. I wish I would have reciprocated with you in a way you would understand how much I love you. Yes I will share anything. Sorry it took me so long to learn what your seven year old has already mastered.
Abbi, Macie, and Maya are the greatest thing you have given to us all. They are so beautiful inside and out. They are incredible and they have learned to be just like you. Who they are, because of you, is your greatest legacy that you have left here on the earth. I look forward to see who they become as I am sure you do. I am sorry. Please be patient with me. And as always I miss you. I love you!

Love, Lar